~Suburban Whispers~

Small Towns, Small Minds

2008-02-21T08:36:00.000-08:00

I can only take so much of the in-laws. With their most recent visit, MILDEW rearranged all of Chloe's dresser drawers, did Chloe's & my husband's laundry but didn't touch mine & enjoyed arguing with me about EVERYthing....Fine. I can vent it all out once they are gone.

But I just cannot bring myself to forgive nor ignore ignorant hatred. And that's all I can call it. If you were to call them out & dare say "racist" they would vehemently deny it.

How else should it be taken when comments go like this:
"I just know is about 10 years the world will be slant-eyed amalattos." (his pronunciation)
"I just don't understand their language." (After walking away from an African-American cashier.)

WHAT? WHAT? WHAT?

I thought our society had come so much farther than this crap. I suppose it could have been worse, but it made my gut churn, nonetheless. I felt so stupid for not calling them out. I was in such shock & disbelief. I had never heard anything like this from them. Their verbal vomit is usually just their distaste for me. I suppose a sliver of silver lining would be that my husband didn't "inherit" their thinking.

Life

2008-01-29T17:30:00.000-08:00

I'm tired.

I'm drained.

Life's complicated.

I need a drink.

suck it up

2007-08-21T16:09:00.001-07:00

I can't take it. Oh- boo hoo - you're supervisor said you have to get caught up and make goal. So did mine - I say ok - when I am able to do my work in an 8 hour day and not have to work OT w/out getting paid and have a normal desk - I will work on it. Then I go back to my desk - bitch and then continue working - It's called being a grown up - you should try it sometime.

How did that happen

2007-08-17T19:45:00.000-07:00

Is it a booty call if it's planned? A friend and a guy- he says - come over tonite - I want you to spend the night. It's the first time hookup for them. Is it a booty call since it's planned in advance.

why is she getting a boy toy? Yeah - she's a slam dunk - but so am I and I won't get attached. She will.

stupid boys And yeah - when she is 18 years older then him HE'S A BOY

Stupid Girl

2007-08-11T14:15:00.000-07:00

(I'm hearing that 90's song by Garbage in my head when I think of this girl.)
Young. Newly pregnant for her first time. One income couple.
I offered her some of my maternity clothes. Expensive ones, at that. Hardly worn. Quality.
Her reply?
"No thanks. I'm just not gonna let myself get THAT fat."

Do I kick her ass now?

pissed off post-- ok.. so I'm trying

2007-07-12T17:17:00.000-07:00

Yo ladies.

Let's chat, shall we?

After reading Mrs. Knightly it was clear I needed to vent. I am so not good at this not giving my identity blogging thing.

So we went on vacation this week and my husband voluntarily brought. work. with. him.

HELLO????????

He also promised to not have school work to do and had to do it anyway (he's finishing his degree which I support but would have appreciated a FEW days off from THAT)....

Was I pissed off? Oh hell yeah.

BUT it opened up a doorway or window or WHATEVER to talk more about our life and marriage so it has been a good thing but ruined the freaking vacation.

Ahem.

I'm done.

Peace.

Why Won't He Choose Me?

2007-07-09T11:10:00.000-07:00

Despite what I write on here I just want to say that I love Mr. Knightly.
I really do. He pisses me off and clearly I piss him off.... Often.
But, more often than not, we have a great time together. And we stay together because the good times far outweigh the bad times.

That said, I feel like I can go on.
We haven't been fighting, but underneath the surface I am mad at him.
I'm mad that he hasn't taken me on a vacation, just me and him, in over a year. (A year and two months, to be approximate.) The fact that he took a weekend trip with some friends about three months ago just makes it that much worse. But, of course, I can't say anything about it. Because, don't ya know.... He "deserved" that trip and I shouldn't have the right to take that away from him.

Well... that's all fine and good except that I am pissed that he didn't take that time and money and go with me somewhere. I don't know why he doesn't get that... but he doesn't. He just knows that he "deserves to go and hang out" with his friends for a weekend here and there. And you know what? I think he deserves it, too. However. When we haven't gone a weekend getaway, or on a real bona fide vacation, in over a YEAR, I think that he should have chosen ME and not his friends. I'm SURE he doesn't see it that way... but I don't know how he couldn't see it that way.

Maybe it's a man thing. Maybe it's a Mr. Knightly thing.
Either way, I wish he would have chosen me.
If he had chosen me I would have felt important.
Instead I feel passed over. I feel not good enough.

And I hate that.

It's Been A Long Time....

2007-07-05T08:55:00.000-07:00

... And I am SO sorry about that!
I am a horrible incognito blogger.

Anyway....
Life with Mr. Knightly is better. But every time I say that, something happens.
For instance, not that long ago I was having an email conversation with Angelina. And I was telling her that things were a lot better with Mr. Knightly. Which was true. Which is true... despite what occurred just days after telling her that.

Basically what happened is we got into a major fight about, OF COURSE, something that I did that pissed him off. ~gasp~ Shocker. This time the fight was about how Mr. Knightly has to wake me up almost, but not quite, every day and how he thinks that is the most annoying and unnecessary thing in the entire world.

A little background:
I don't sleep well at night because of many reasons. One is that I am somewhat of an insomniac. Another is that in my family, sleepiness runs rampant. And the last is that when I was 19 I was sexually assaulted in the middle of the night by my brother in law. (Long story... I'm sure I'll go into it another time. Just know that I was on muscle relaxers at the time, so the jerk thought that I wouldn't wake up.)
Because of all these reasons, I am very very sleepy and just starting to get REM sleep by the time 6 or 7am rolls around. Unfortunately, over the years of being married to Mr. Knightly, I have learned to sleep through his alarm because up until recently I haven't had to get up at the same time that he does. (He's hated that and he thinks I should get up with him whether I have to or not.)

And now onto the actual fight.
Mr. Knightly HATES having to wake me up because I almost never wake up the first time. And he doesn't think that any "grown up" should have to be woken up. The other day he had to wake me up, yet again, and he lost it. He went off on me about how lazy and irresponsible I am and how I act like a kid most of the time and blah blah blah. Yeah. When Mr. Jerkly comes out to play, he seriously does a number on me. He completely attacks my character and then wonders why I won't talk to him for three days. He also could care less that I cry. And I hate crying in front of Jerkly. I think it just fuels his fire even more.

Anyway. The end result of this fight was him going off on me some more and then declaring that I don't even try to get up because I really don't give a crap that it bothers him so badly. Well ladies, this declaration of his could not be farther from the actual truth. The truth is that I am constantly trying to get up with him or before him. I have tried numerous times to become a person who can consistently get up on time in the morning. And I consistently fail.
I truly don't know why I fail. Maybe I really don't care enough to change. Maybe this sleepiness is all in my genes and made worse by the fact that I take pain medication on a daily basis, so trying to change is a waste of time because it will never happen. Like I said, I really don't know why I fail, I just know that I try and try and try to change. If I could avoid having this fight with Jerkly, I WOULD. I swear. I would give ANY.THING to be able to get Jerkly to shut the hell up about this subject. Really. Anything.

I could sit here and wish all I want for him to finally understand.
I could sit here and wish that all the sudden he would decide that waking me up in the morning is not that big of a deal and he is actually doing me a favor.
But you know... wishing has never gotten me anywhere before.
So I'll keep trying to change.
Because I just want him to shut. up.

Yo sistas

2007-06-24T17:23:00.001-07:00

What is happening?

Man, it's been forever since I've come this way. I've missed the hood! I have so much to share but I don't even know where to begin. Tonight I began happy hour as SOON as the littles went down.

It was that kind of day. A good day but ya know, still that kind of day.
::WINK::

And a little secret? My husband is seriously looking into work in Southern CA!!!!!!!!!!! Oh the dream. The luscious dream. I can't get my hopes up but man. You never know.

So let's lift our glasses to one another.

::CLINK::

Cheers,
Angelina

Perfect

2007-06-19T18:09:00.000-07:00

Perfect, Just perfect.

At the risk of identifying who I am, I'm going to post this anyway.

Let's just say, Mr. O "travels a lot for his job." He has a very difficult job and we exist in a very unique living arrangement at this point in time. He's "out of town" and we spend very little time together. But, we love each other dearly and see each one other every 3-4 weeks on the weekend.

Anyway, my BFF is a guy and he and I hit a local restaurant for drinks tonight. Well, Gossip Gangster (my neighbor) walked into the restaurant and saw my BFF and I sitting at the bar enjoying a drink. Truth be told- work today was a mess and I desperately like to think that a draft beer can ease my problems :)

Gossip Gangster doesn't really know me well, but we've talked a few times and I quickly picked up on her gossiping tendencies.

Can't you just imagine the thoughts that ran through her mind as she walked in and saw Me and a male friend sharing a drink at a bar and she KNOWS Mr. O is "out of town?" I joked with my friend and told him she probably already texted all of the neighbors and I'll have a for sale sign in my yard before I even make it home :)

Oh the joys of living in a neighborhood.

Anyway, it's been too long since I've swung by *this* neighborhood. I know I've been a'slackin'...I hope ya'll are still out there!

If you know who I am now...shhhh :) I like having a secret neighborhood where I can air my semi-wrinkled laundry!

Good-Bye?

2007-03-20T18:57:00.000-07:00

So I know I'm guilty here, but what are everyone's thoughts? Do we close the doors on this neighborhood? Has everyone already moved out? Is there tumbleweed blowing down the street? Does anyone hear me?

I Had To Say It

2007-01-23T15:53:00.000-08:00

Ok, since I totally canNOT talk to anyone in my family about this one, I HAD to rant a tad. I swear, y'all know me better than my RL family. My girls. My 'hood.
Wherefore are thou, my lovies? Has everyone taken reaaaalllllllyyyy long holiday vacations?

hola

2007-01-16T04:40:00.000-08:00

Hey ladies,
I just wanted to say what's up? It's been quiet since the holidays... did they wreck everyone that much? I've been doing good. Making some changes in life and so forth. I'm happy and around, of course.

I miss you guys!

Blog Drunking

2007-01-06T19:00:00.000-08:00

Oh how nice it is to be on my laptop & sipping some good stuff and back to chatting with my grils. Holidays, sickness, him, her... all too mcu sometimes. But man I lurv vme some Cape Cod Cosmo tini thingy drink...or three.
A splash of cosmo, splash of cranberyy & a few glugs of vodka. mmmmmmmm.... now times three, with a straw.
Oh how Ive missed my girsl, and our hats. chats. yeah... that. Iv'e missed. Its good to have freisdnds. Good friends. Tru frends. Really good.
Happy BNREWE years, lovies!

Saturday Sips: Champola

2006-12-23T17:19:00.000-08:00

Dessert, vitamins, AND a drink in one? Oh yes, my sweets, nothing but the finest.

*Makes one drink

Champola
2 ounces acerola or cherry juice
2 ounces Puerto Rican rum
1 scoop vanilla ice cream

Combine juice & rum in a serving glass. Add ice cream & serve.

Acerola, also known as the Puerto Rican cherry, is abundant throughout the country. Lighter in color & more pungent than the Bing or Lambert cherries commonly found in the US, the acerola has among the highest concestrations of vitamin C of any known fruit. While the use of the acerola juice will make this recipe more unusual & authentic, any variety of cherry, black cherry, or even orange juice will work well as a substitute.

Cheers, girls! If you have a great sip recipe, do share!

Kiss kiss,
Berk

My Merry House

2006-12-17T21:47:00.000-08:00

I've been on vacation from the neighborhood and I'm back!

I'm happy to report that there have been no major fights among Mr. Knightly and myself.
Actually, things have been rather merry around our house and you have no idea how happy that makes me. I don't know what happened, but it seems that Mr. Knightly is just a lot happier lately than he has been in months. I like to think that it is because he has once again discovered just how great of a catch he found in me..... but who knows. It could be anything.

I don't know if I'll be in the hood again until after the holidays (unless something happens that I have to tell you all about), so have a Happy Holiday and a great New Years!

Because we are women...

2006-12-16T16:18:00.000-08:00

Woman

My husband gave this website to me, enjoy. I thought it was beautiful.

I know I've been absent. I've been going through a lot these days, all good things, but I just haven't been around my lap top as much.

Hugs,
Angenlina

Saturday Sips: Buttered Rum Hot Toddy

2006-12-16T13:07:00.000-08:00

I'll be curled up with a cozy blanket & a mug, or three, of this tonight.

Buttered Rum Hot Toddy
1c. butter, softened
1/2c. packed brown sugar
1/2c. sifted powdered sugar
1 tsp. ground nutmeg
1 tsp. ground cinnamon
1 pint vanilla ice cream, softened

Cream together butter, sugar, nutmeg & cinnamon. Blend in ice cream. Pour into a 4-cup freezer container. Seal & store in freezer. (It won't freeze solid.)

To Serve: Spoon 2-4 Tbsp. of butter mixture into mug. Add 2-3 shots rum & 1/2c. boiling water. Stir well & garnish with a cinnamon stick.

If its cold outside, this will keep you warm inside! Happy holidays, girls!

Kiss, kiss,
Berk

addendum

2006-12-08T21:14:00.000-08:00

Oh yea, maybe I'll sport som oe f those cool shades that Berk's neighbor lady had the other day...

apparently being drunk goes along well with nerdy shades :)

Alright, the voices in my head are saying it's time for bed!

Love ya ladies!

Drunk blogging....

2006-12-08T21:10:00.000-08:00

I've never posted while intoxicated...but they're always saying to try someting new!

After 5 beers (sorrry ladies, no wine for me tonight)....and having given out my fake phone number to a gay guy, I'm safely back home (don't wrory, rode with friends....I donm' dtrink and drive).

It's awfully later, so i'm heading to bed.

'dem Toes

2006-12-07T18:46:00.000-08:00

Dear Berk, as per your request...

Ta da!

Freshly painted toes and new panties...amazing how the little things can make you feel soooo sexy.

You Know Your Neighbor's Drunk When....

2006-12-07T05:20:00.000-08:00

Its 10:30 am, on a Saturday, and she's outside mowing.
Wearing BluBlockers.
The current outdoor temp is approximately 38 degrees.
And she's barefoot.
Her trashcan at the curb is stuffed with Schlitz beer cans.
And its raining.

Man, I love my 'hood.

Bee-utiful toes

2006-12-04T18:54:00.000-08:00

Don't you just love a good pedicure?

To reward myself for, well, being me :), I took some time to indulge my feetsies in some good pedicury stuff (I was going to go into great detail about what all it involved, but it takes the fun, spa-like feel out of it when you start describing it in depth).

All I can say is, I luv me some Hot Pink Opi toenails!

Now, if only I could find a way to coax Mr. O into painting them for me.....

Go Elf Yourself, If You Haven't Already

2006-12-04T18:08:00.000-08:00

Its no secret that I love Karen Rani. If you're new here, that sexy gal that's up top, is Karen's creative work. This whole design is alllllll her. She rocks our site!

And she's willing to do things like this to make my day, too! (Ok... so it wasn't just for me. But come on! Isn't that a hoot!??)
Go on. Go Elf Yourself. (I don't dare show my face. Sorry.)

Truly Happy

2006-12-04T12:16:00.000-08:00

Do ya'll know what it's like to be truly happy??..I think I have found true happiness. I always thought I was the type of person who could be happy where I was. I like myself, I like my family, so why shouldn't I be happy wherever I was?? But it wasn't the case. I was miserable. I knew that God loved me, and I loved him, and I knew that my family loved me, and I knew I loved them also. But I would find myself not wanting to get out of bed. I wouldn't want to clean, and we'd all be living in filth. Sure, people thought I was happy. But I wasn't. I knew it, my hubby knew it. and do you know what I realized? I am a product of my environment. I can walk around playing the perfect together pastor's wife all I want...but unless I'm in a great town, with great people, and great friends to hang with on a regular basis, I am miserable.

I love this town
I love these new friends
I love waking up in the morning
I love keeping my house clean
I love cooking good, nutritious food for my family
I love my children...and don't get upset with the baby cries all night long
I love that God brought us to this place where my husband is loved

I am know truly happy.

and the only thing that would make me happier is a good strong pot of coffee, I think I'll go make one. and maybe tonight some Sangria?? Whadyasay girls? Join me?
Cheers, Isabella

Flowers and Blow Dryers Make Me Happy

2006-12-01T11:15:00.000-08:00

Mr. Knightly bought me flowers....
FOR NO REASON!!!!

I love it when he does this. Actually, the gesture brought tears to my eyes.
I don't cry often (which means that I cry all the time).... but this was really sweet. He arranged them in the vase himself and brought them to me right before I was going to bed last night.

I went to About Flowers to check out the meaning of the flowers (because I am cheesy like that.... please try not to make too much fun of me) and I found out that they mean "Hopelessly in love".
Awwwwwww. (~gag~... I know... but bear with me here.)

For as much as I b!tch about him on this site I felt like I should share this with you. You know... So you all don't think I am crazy for being married to him.
He DOES has a lot of really great qualities about him.... but that won't stop me from bitching about him when he turns into Mr. Jerkly!!

In other news....
Check out my new blow dryer!

I think I'm in love.

i so wish...

2006-12-01T05:33:00.000-08:00

I wish these were comfy and conducive to chasing little people on the playground.
They are oh so hot!

I'm just saying.

~ Angelina

Vodka, anytime!

2006-11-30T18:56:00.000-08:00

Ah...er....uh.....hi?

I'm Ms. O....Berk has so graciously allowed me to "rent" some space here in your 'hood. Glad she did too- looks like with all of the wine drinking, free flowing, fun loving gals here, I'll fit right in.

I'm a low maitenance friend, and even lower maintenance neighbor.

Oh yea, and I *always* have beverages of the alcoholic sorts around- is there any other way to live?

Can't wait to see what this place is all about~

Its a Fit Day!

2006-11-29T15:59:00.000-08:00

Who says the holidays have to be spent feeling guilty about how you stuff your piehole? Nay, not I! In my renewed vigor to feel completely healthy, I've already made a resolution: healthier eats. Not so hard, right?

So during my wanderings today, I came across what I've been wanting! (Ok, other than some new sparklies!) For years now I've been tracking my food intake in a book. Hello, Technology! AMEN!

You can track your food, exercise & weight all at one free URL. Meet Fit Day! They put all your nutritional intake in an easy-to-read chart, too. You can set up your targetted weight & goal dates & it tracks your losses. Now, if it just would actually do the fat-burning for me, it'd be a perfect world.

Free. I love that word. Buh-bye, guilt! Hello, SKINNY! Girls, I'm in love.

Now. Dare I share my journal for critique? I mean... "encouragement"?

Kiss kiss,
Berk

Another Mr. Jerkly Moment

2006-11-27T16:07:00.000-08:00

Alright.
Picture this.

Mr. Knightly and I are in line for something. It doesn't matter what we are in line for.... We are just in line. I probably should tell you that at this point in my life I am temporarily disabled. What this means to you is that I am in an electric wheelchair. What this means to me is that my life is really sucky right now because I'm not very good at walking.

Anyway.
There are a lot of people around. Including my Mother, my little Sister, and my kids. The line starts to move and I inch my way forward in this horrible wheelchair that I am absolutely no good at driving.
And guess what?
I ran right into Mr. Knightly's foot. Not really hard.... because how hard could it hit him going under one mile per hour? Well, apparently it was hard enough for him to turn around and, in front of EVERYONE, get all PISSED and practically growl at me, "Mrs. Knightly, that REALLY hurt." He said it loud. And he growled it through clenched teeth.

I was humiliated. I didn't do it on purpose. I was completely sorry and I was in the middle of actually saying so when he laid into me in front of the entire line and my family. It was mortifying. I mean seriously. What.The. I am in a wheelchair for crying out loud. This is something that I am not used to. The wheelchair thing is really new to me, and let me tell you. I HATE IT. For some reason being in a wheelchair makes me feel very small and awkward.
So. Not only am I in a line where I am trying to maneuver a freaking electronic chair through.... I already feel lame in front of a ton of people just by being in the chair. And then freaking Mr. Jerkly has to make the situation about a MILLION times WORSE by HUMILIATING me further.
And you know what? I don't think it hurt him THAT bad to warrant his reaction. Not by a LONG SHOT did it hurt that bad. I think he just reacted that way because he was sick of being in line.

Thanks a lot Jerkly.
It is times like those that make me ever so grateful that I married you.
No, really. Those times just make me want to marry you over and over and over again.

So tell me people.
Is is just me, or was Mr. Knightly's reaction completely jerky and uncalled for.

The Nightmare That Is My Life

2006-11-24T15:57:00.000-08:00

Have you seen "Home for the Holidays"?

If you haven't, then see it. You won't be sorry.
If you have, then you already know what I am living through right.this.second.

I've been down Home all week long.
For the most part the trip has been better than expected.
But given that I have a million members of my immediate family, and that we are pretty much the most dysfunctional family unit that I have ever encountered, then you can imagine that "better than expected" is not really saying a whole lot.
Let me put it to you this way.
Normally, when I am around more than half of my family I usually end up running to the bathroom every hour, on the hour. (Because I react emotionally AND physically to my family.)
I'm sure you want me to tell you why my family is one of my biggest nightmares.
But that will have to be another post.

What I really want to vent about is that Mr. Knightly is starting to turn into Mr. Jerkly.
Which means that a pretty big fight could be well on its way.
And I just have to say that I just cannot take a fight with Mr. Jerkly right now.
If we end up fighting I SWEAR that I will implode. I will. I know it.
I can't take the jerkiness while living in the family nightmare.

So if you are the praying sort, then please send up a good word for me.
I really don't want to implode.

Happy Thanksgiving!

2006-11-22T13:11:00.000-08:00

I want to wish everyone the happiest of holidays & may you all be belly up on the couch with me, in spirit, thoroughly enjoying the fabulous effects of tryptophan. Or wine. Or a nice dirty 'tini.

And if your MILDEW is spending the holidays with you, my condolences. May she end up drunker than you so that she may pass out & you can have fun with that Sh*rpie. Just be sober enough to blame it on the kiddos.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Kiss kiss,
Berklie

Shave Everywhere

2006-11-22T11:58:00.000-08:00

Okay, now that I've wiped away the tears & my gut has split from laughing soooo freaking hard, & I think I may have peed my pants.... You MUST go check out this site! Wander around while your there, too. And do make sure to watch the music video.

Huge hat tip to the fabulous Mrs. Magnolia for this link. I love her sense of humor!

Gross. Wrong. Foul. On Soooo Many Levels

2006-11-21T19:58:00.000-08:00

Dear Mr. 6PackAbs,
Yes, yes, yes.... I know that you know how to rock my world, BUT please! For the love of all that's holy (this includes my nose, my sinuses, & my appetite)... I beg of you. The next time you want to save a buck or two, do NOT do it by buying the cheap-ass, generic bag of dogfood that reeks havoc on my poor old dog's gut. Which makes the air in my home unable to be covered by even the strongest of air deodorizers & candles combined.
Please. Penny-pinch elsewhere.
You are effectively running off all my friends, which also runs off all of Chlo's playdates. Seriously. Must you squeak when you walk? I still love you, but come now. You are literally killing me. With toxic gases.

Kiss kiss,
Berk

Dear Duke Mama

2006-11-21T17:31:00.000-08:00

Dear mama in the Duke sweatshirt,

You seriously need to get over yourself.

Why are you high and mighty above all of us other mamas? When we smile, I mean really... can you not just smile back? Are you really that MUCH better than us cause you wear your powder pink Duke sweatshirt? I so hope it's not that, but if it's not that then WHAT is it? Does sticking your nose up in the air make you feel better about yourself? Did we digress to high school?

GOSH!! (Nap. dyn. fans can now giggle!!)

Anyway.... I'm just saying.

A little offended,
Angelina

Passion

2006-11-20T13:17:00.000-08:00

When was the last time you felt it, the good or the bad?

pas·sion (pshn) n.

1. A powerful emotion, such as love, joy, hatred, or anger.

2. a. Ardent love.,
b. Strong sexual desire; lust.,
c. The object of such love or desire.

3. a. Boundless enthusiasm: His skills as a player don't quite match his passion for the game.

b. The object of such enthusiasm: Soccer is her passion.

4. An abandoned display of emotion, especially of anger: He's been known to fly into a passion without warning.

5. Passion

a. The sufferings of Jesus in the period following the Last Supper and including the Crucifixion, as related in the New Testament.

b. A narrative, musical setting, or pictorial representation of Jesus's sufferings.

6. Archaic Martyrdom.

7. Archaic Passivity.

Cincin,
Angelina

Important Recipes...

2006-11-18T16:28:00.000-08:00

Saturday nights are always so fun here. I wish you all could come over and join me. :)

Lemon Drop Martini

1 1/2 ounces vodka
1/2 ounce Triple Sec
1 teaspoon superfine sugar
3/4 ounce freshly squeezed lemon juice
Ice cubes
Superfine sugar for dipping
Twisted peel of lemon

Directions....um... mix, shake, toast, sip on.

Cincin,
Angelina

Pst... Berklie.. you recognize the candle?

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde

2006-11-17T14:24:00.000-08:00

Another day, another fight.
I HA-HATE fighting with Mr. Knightly.
Because he can be such an A$@Hole.

Most of the time I would tell you that I am married to a really caring, thoughtful, nice guy.
But when we fight, he flips on me. And I mean he FLIPS.
Uh.... temper tantrum, anyone?

I understand that married people fight and argue with each other.
I get it..... Oh BOY do I get it.
But.
Do married people find themselves thinking, "How much longer can I stand this?", very often?
Because I find myself thinking that a lot lately.

"How much longer can this go on?"
"Do I even like this guy anymore?"
"Can two people like us stay married?"

Yep. Those are the questions that go through my head with every fight that we have.
We fight about once or twice a month. But when we fight, they are usually big ones.
And by "big", I mean shouting.

I guess at this point I am most worried about the thoughts that go through my head after the shouting has stopped. I used to be worried about the fighting. But now I am worried about the fact that my thoughts usually end with the following:
"I just don't think we can make it."

Who knows.
Maybe we can make it.
But what if we can't?

bears have it good, yeah they do

2006-11-17T04:44:00.000-08:00

Dear God,

Thank you for the gift of giving life, really.
I love my children and I can not imagine my life without them. However, ahem, why is that in order to get these most wonderful creatures I have to sacrifice my sleep?

My son is four years old and I don't think I've had a decent nights sleep without the assistance of jose cuervo for over four years. I mean come on, we can't honestly exclude the months before the babes are born where we toss and turn like beached whales belly up... can we?
No. I can't.

I would gladly do fourteen hours of labor, again, for fourteen hours of sleep.
Consequitively.

I want to hibernate like a bear. Oh folks, they have it good. They stuff themselves, get fat, and then find a wicked hole to swell in all winter long.

Sad I'm not a bear,
Angelina

P.s. What should I name my carafe, the beautiful wine holder?

GMail? Anyone? Free Gmail?

2006-11-16T19:42:00.000-08:00

Okay, real quick so we can get back to the good stuff... I have 50 invites for gmail available. So if anyone wants one, hit me up & I'll send an invite over, mkay? I'm thinking maybe to secure your anonymity? Or for whatever, just please take them!!

Kiss kiss,
Berk

PS I got new shoes & I'm so in lurv! Retail therapy is sooooo good to me! Not as cheap as blogging, but cheaper than my shrink!

Girls night

2006-11-16T11:55:00.000-08:00

I'll be toasting the evening of my favorite shows with one of my new treasures. I can't even begin to tell you how much better my wine tastes flowing from this baby. I should name her.

Wanna come over and join me?
I wish.

Cincin,
Angelina

Am I Being a B*tch??

2006-11-15T18:06:00.000-08:00

He's gone overseas. Alot. He brings back souvenirs. From Japan, it was one for one. I loved one, the other he gave to his mom because I didn't like it. Oh and a tad more background: we have ALOT of CRAP in this house already. Crap that he is always griping for me to get rid of.

When he called from Germany/ Italy trip asking what I wanted, I said nothing. Except maybe vino. Yes, please. That? Always.

This time, he brought back a wine, a wine carafe & a butter dish. Authentic Italian pottery, but a design that does not match my kitchen's deco. I'm horrid, I know. I should appreciate the gesture, right?

So he's been home about a week & a package arrives today, from Germany. I didn't open it. I was hoping for more wine. When he got home tonight, he rushed the package upstairs like a kid hoarding his halloween candy. Soon, he's calling me to the bottom of the stairs asking if I like what he bought as "our" Germany souvenir. A freaking coo-coo clock. I hate coo-coo clocks. Seriously. And I'm apologizing right now if you own one. Its called personal taste. I'll respect yours so long as you don't give me a coo-coo clock. So, he's moping around the house tonight, all sad puppied that just got beat.

I'm an ass, right? Should I have just smiled & kept my mouth shut & pray it doesn't work? But my argument is that I don't want a home filled with HIS souvenirs, from HIS travels. This is OUR home.

Here's an idea. His mom is coo-coo. She'd love it, I bet.

Kiss kiss,
Berk

Cry Baby

2006-11-14T20:15:00.000-08:00

I am the new Lady in the neighborhood and I am ready to Whisper.
I have to warn you though..... I use lots of bold, italics, CAPS, and ellipses.
I have to.
Because I'm emotional.
And because I have got to LET IT OUT!!!!

So.
Don't you just hate it when you are crying over something, and your significant other just sits there staring at you. You know.... Doing nothing at all??
That's right. No kiss. No hug. Nada.
Dontcha just hate that?.....
Or is it just me?

I realize that maybe my husband is just numb to my crying.
After all... We have been married for a little over five years.
Is that his ticket out of being a little sympathetic toward me?
Maybe it is, and I just don't know it.

To be fair to Mr. Knightly, I have to say that this doesn't happen ALL the time. Heaven forbid that I get that definitive. However, I will say that it happens more often than I would like it to. (Can you tell I've been to marriage counseling?)
Even if Mr. Knightly does have a ticket out of comforting me when I am crying, I know one thing.
It makes me feel alone even though he is sitting right in front of me.
And I shouldn't feel that way.
Because I'm married.

***Thanks to the Ladies of the Neighborhood for letting me join! I LOVE it here!!!***

You scream rejection

2006-11-13T12:59:00.000-08:00

As I type this post, tears stream.
They burn my eyes.
Across from me sits my little boy.
A few hours ago i was talking to his dad, the ex. He's moving away in a few weeks. Although his dad has never lived in his house, it's sad. It's sad because I feel like his dad could care less. You'd think that moving hours away from here which greatly limits his time with his son would impact his heart. You would think this would make him want to spend time with his son.
Sadly, no.
Sadly, he doesn't give a damn about his child and only cares about himself. Apparently he's too busy to hang out with his son before he leaves. He's got parties to go to. Dates to go on. And packing to do. He's got people to see. People to say good bye to.
Sorry son, no time for you is really what he's saying. No he's not saying, the as@hat is screaming it with his choices.

Does he not see what he's doing?
Does he honestly think his son doesn't notice or care?
What the hell?

Years ago when he left, I was devastated. I couldn't imagine life without him or how I was going to raise my son. Little did I know my life would turn out to be so dreamy and amazing.
I know now my son is better off without his dad in his day to day life, but the constant choices where he dismisses him is killing him and me.

I can not express how glad I am my husband is in his life, how he is his father by action.

I have to go get more chicken nuggets and apple sauce.

Namaste,
Angelina

Yummy Monday

2006-11-13T05:20:00.000-08:00

With my new leash on life, I want to ensure health for my family, too. I think kids should be encouraged not just to help out in the kitch, but to love what they're making. These are fun for them to help make, healthy, and easy to take along as snacks.

Nutty Cereal Cookies
1 c. whole wheat flour
½ c. flax seed meal
1 tsp baking powder
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp ground cinnamon
1 c. unsalted butter, softened
1c. unsweetened applesauce
1 c. packed brown sugar
2 eggs
1 tsp vanilla
2 c. wheat cereal flakes (like Uncle Sam's)
2 c. rolled oats (not quick cook)
1 1/2 c. chopped walnuts, toasted
1 1/2 c. dried cranberries, golden raisins, dried cherries, or dried blueberries

Pre-heat oven to 325˚F. In a medium bowl combine flour, flax seed meal, baking powder, baking soda, & cinnamon: set aside.

In a large mixing bowl beat butter with an electric mixer on medium to high speed for 30 seconds. Add applesauce & brown sugar. Beat until combined, scraping sides of bowl occasionally. Beat in eggs & vanilla until combined. Beat in as much of the flour mixture as you can with the mixer. With a wooden spoon, stir in any remaining flour mixture. Stir in wheat cereal, oats, walnuts & dried fruit.

Drop by well-rounded teaspoonfuls 2 inches apart onto cookie sheets lined with parchment paper. Bake 12-14 minutes or until golden & set.

Cool on cookie sheets 2 minutes. Transfer to cooling rack to cool completely.

Makes about 5 dozen.

Don't fear whole wheat. Crunchy feels great! With this recipe, you'll be getting your whole grains, omega-3 from the flax & antioxidants from the raisins/ berries. How can you resist??

Quiet

2006-11-13T03:30:00.000-08:00

It's quiet here in my house, a rare moment I treasure.
I sit in the dark, among the Christmas lights and scented candles sipping my coffee. I love calm mornings, they ignite the day and set the tone I so desire, peace.

Namaste,
Angelina

Staying True

2006-11-12T16:13:00.000-08:00

I'm with Berkie.
I've been feeling a bit pulled to be something I am not in a few areas of my life. In a few areas of my life I've been judged and that being judged made me not be me. I like me. I really do. I've worked hard to like me so therefore if I can't be me, I'm not going to participate anymore.

Are you picking up what I'm laying down people?

So I'm joining the Berkie Mama in staying true.

Night,
Angelina

My New Drive

2006-11-12T05:55:00.000-08:00

Mama's got a brand new bag! I feel motivated & alive inside (despite the fact that another month has gone by & I'm not pregnant). I'm tired of waiting for life to happen to me. I am going out & grabbing life & making it submit to me!

I'm talking about health, my friends. Health of body, mind & soul. To have the healthy body that I so miss, I need to start from the inside. Change my thinking. Change my heart's desires. Because honestly, without a healthy heart, what do you truly have?

I'm going to share recipes. I'm going to share my mind & my heart. I'm going to share my life & hope that by doing so, you can help to hold me accountable. I want to live. I want to feel. And I want to love what & how I feel. Won't you join me?

All right

2006-11-08T17:10:00.000-08:00

You know, in my day to day life I'm super polite.
I'm honest. I'm thoughtful, usually. And I say the right things. I believe I do a lot of things because it was the way I was taught, it's how I was raised.

But you know what? Some days it gets to me.
Some days I want to look at the as*hat who is judging me and say F*ck OFF!
Some days I want to confess to a chosen few that I just could care less.
Some days I just want to flick off the driver who cuts me off while I have the littles in the back.

Those things may be no big deal to some but they are to me. I stand up for myself, but I maintain a polite, controlled way abou it.

But why don't I say the above if it is how I feel?

Wordless Wednesday

2006-11-07T16:31:00.000-08:00

Creamy Chocolate Martini... You Know You Want It!

2006-10-23T07:35:00.000-07:00

If you were wondering why all the bottles to make one little chocolate martini, the other night... That's easy. I go creamy. This is not your typical bar choco-tini, my friends. Since no one likes to drink alone, here's my recipe....

Creamy Chocolate Martini
2 shots Godiva chocolate liquor
1 TBSP Frangelico
1 TBSP Malibu coconut rum
1 TBSP Vanilla vodka
3-4 shots half & half (but I use 8th Continent Vanilla Lite Soymilk)

This makes one full martini glass. Feel free to double this recipe... or triple. Enjoy & remember to drink responsibly. ;) Do you have a recipe to share? Bring it on!

Kiss Kiss,
Berklie

Wordless Wednesday: A Call For Action

2006-10-03T12:33:00.000-07:00

Thank you to the lovely Dubs for starting this meme & keeping up the blogroll. Grab the blogroll code & join the fun here.

Are you Wordless today? Please leave your link so we can come see you!

As If I Can Get Enough Chocolate?? NEVER!!

2006-10-01T05:36:00.000-07:00

Quick to hop on the coattails of last night's chocolate cream martini, this stirs in me a deep desire to visit NYC. Its been over a decade, but this just might be what lures me back.

Here's an article teaser for you to get you drooling....

"I believe chocolate for people is not just about taste. It's about memories, about fantasies, about fun," the bald-headed Brenner told Reuters as he melted, mixed and poured a variety of chocolate concoctions.
"People want the whole chocolate experience. A ritual. So I created a ceremony around chocolate with special cups and utensils."

Man, where is that private jet when you need it???

Kiss kiss,
Berklie

Saturday Night

2006-09-30T18:35:00.000-07:00

Chocolate martini, anyone? I'll be out back on the deck. Come on in. Cheers!

Square Peg, Round Hole

2006-09-29T10:20:00.000-07:00

Mommy circles. We all know they exist, but its sort of the big elephant in the room, that no one will acknowledge. And they can be just as vicious, if not more than, the girl circles from high school, who just never grew up.

Me? I've always wanted to be a mommy. I dreamed of the day. But I also swore to never look like a "mommy". I used to chide my own mother about her clothes & change of hair styles, once she became mama-fied. The hair got short, the clothes were a little less fitted. But she was still in there. Her heart was the same. Hell, even her body was pretty much the same, but the persona changed. I swore that one part of my mom, I never wanted to follow. I guess you could say that MILF status is a high priority for me. So what? Sexy should not leave because of the birth of a child.

Enter "mommy circles". They do the hug hug, kiss kiss "How are you, hun? You look so great! We need to get our kids together more often!" lines. But I don't feel like I'm "one of them". Imagine Nicole Kidman's character on Stepford Wives, as she's meeting the "other women". Something just doesn't feel right. I don't belong. They whisper. They do the up & down look. Hold UP! I do the whispering around here! I, in my fitted tattoo T, skinny denim mini, and biker boots. How am I supposed to "fit in"?

Well, call me selfish or plastic, but I'd rather not fit in, if it meant giving up a piece of who I am.

Here in lies the dillema: I desperately want the friendships for Chloe. And secretly? I want a great friendship, too. I have a great friendship with Mr. 6PackAbs, but we all know its just not the same as those great girlfriend bonds.

I'm learning that those kind of friendships will not be found in circles like these. Now that its taken all these years to not only discover who I am, but embrace it, I will not fold. I'll happily stand alone, in my kitten heels or biker boots, holding my Chloe, tightly.

shhhh....

2006-09-28T12:34:00.000-07:00

To my dearest husband,

The lovin' lately is out of this world and I can't wait until later.
The sex just keeps getting better.

...... your lover......

Wordless Wednesday

2006-09-26T18:18:00.000-07:00

Please link with us if you're playing today. And you can join & grab the code here, at Dubs'new home. Its pretty cozy over there. You should go see her!

Wordless Wednesday

2006-09-20T06:21:00.000-07:00

We're working on beating Mr. Linky into submission. He should be with us next week.

Feelin' Crabby?

2006-09-19T06:14:00.000-07:00

For sweet Karen, who seems to be having issues with crab....

Crab Dip
8 oz. Non-fat cream cheese
1 tbsp. 1% milk
1 can crabmeat (pre-cooked & coarsely chopped)
2 tbsp. Minced onions
½ tsp. Creamed horseradish

Mix all ingredients, with fork, until smooth. Serve cold.
If you want to serve it hot, bake at 350F for 15 minutes, stirring halfway through.
You can add more bite, by using more horseradish.
(You obviously don't have to use all the low/no fat ingredients. You'll get a creamier dip if you use all regular ingredients.)

Game on

2006-09-18T19:10:00.000-07:00

Let's join her.

K?

Because right now a lot of people around me can just stick it.
My girls know who I'm talkin' about.
And this New York blooded girl is not playin' any games.
Game on. LOL.

Peace out

2006-09-15T04:38:00.000-07:00

Dear PUSHY neighbor,

Honestly. I do NOT feel like talking to you every time I come out of my house.

No my husband is not home.

Yes, he's at work.

No, I do not want to talk, again, about your grass. No I do not want to hear again how the other kids think you are weird because SIR, you are weird.

Yes, I think it is inappropriate for a man to be constantly talking to me and prying into my life because one, I'm freakin' married and two two SO ARE YOU.

Please go away.

Thanks.

~ Angelina

Get a clue!!

2006-09-13T22:21:00.000-07:00

So, I've got this friend

Who I have got to get rid of. Well, I think she's doing the "get rid of" part for me. Let me explain:

She's been dating this loser for almost 2 years now. He totally mentally abuses her. And I'm pretty sure physically too. She won't let him go!! They've broken up like 3 times, and she's so much happier without him, or so she seems. And when he's gone, she comes around, and we have a friendship...when he comes back, POOF! No more B. It's truly amazing how he has her so confused!!
I think it's a sickness...she's so male dependant that she can't be alone. She has 4 kids by 3 guys!! She's even said "I'd rather be with him and be miserable, than be alone." WTFreak?
yeah, he pays her bills
yeah, he's a warm body in her bed

#1 he's abusive!
#2 he's mean to her other 3 boys that aren't his!

Come on! Those 2 reasons right there are enough to get away!!

I think it's a sickness. I think some woman are so dependent that they can't be alone. I'll admit, I've had my fair share of bad relationships. My 1st husband was an abusive alcoholic!! And an adulterer!! Guess what? I got the freak up out of that mess!!
You cheat on me? I'M GONE! No second chances...I learned that real early.
You gotta be tough.
Gotta stand your ground.
Don't let some man use you and abuse you.
Be a woman.
Be a mom.
Learn some independance.
But now you gotta do it on your own.
You stress me.
I can't handle worrying about you.
But you'll never know.
Cuz he's in the picture.
So I won't see you for months.
And by then, I'll be gone.
Bye girl.
It was nice.
Once.

Lovin' Our Designer

2006-09-13T13:44:00.000-07:00

See that sexy girl up top? See the fab sidebar & graphics? ALL props, adoration, kudos & bloggy lurv goes to the wonderfully talented & oh-so-patient Karen Rani of Troll-Baby Graphics. Could anyone or anything be anymore perfect? I think not! Sweet Karen was so patient with my pickiness, but got the job in lightning fast time. She was also uber meticulous in making sure we were completely happy. She's dreamy. If your sight needs a facelift, or just a little tucked here & there, she's your girl. Go on... you know you wanna go see what she can do for you.

Wordless Wednesday

2006-09-13T06:38:00.000-07:00

Summer's bounty & God's glorious work

Peppered Beef Brisket

2006-09-13T05:05:00.000-07:00

This is what we're having for dinner, you?

Peppered Beef Brisket in Beer
1 onion
1 beef brisket
3/4 teaspoon pepper
3/4 cup beer
1/2 cup chili sauce
3 tbl brown sugar
2 cloves garlic, crushed
3 tablespoons of flour
3 tablespoons of water

You'll need a crock pot too :).

Chop onion. Layer on the bottom of the crock pot. Lay beef on top. Sprinkle beef with pepper. Mix all other ingrediants together and pour over top. Cook for five hours on high or for 12 on low.

Enjoy!

Skinny Goodness

2006-09-12T13:06:00.000-07:00

I have searched high & low for a creamy salad dressing that does not make my hump lumpy. Guess what? EUREKA!! Fat free, sugar free, with loads of taste. Walden Farms, my friends. The ingredients are healthy, too. Who would have guessed? Usually, when I find something that reads that good, its because they've replaced all the real ingredients with chemicals. Not here. I won't bore you with an ingredient list, but for you girls with food allergies, I myself included? Dairy & gluten free, too! Run to your grocer's & buy it. Or demand they carry it.

To add to my grocery find, Chlo' & I have been making it out almost every morning with the jog stroller, so I'm feeling pretty good. And this lush fall weather, with the amazing blue skies & fresh cool breezes? I am in love with life. Oh... and the scales decreased me,, oh-so-graciously, by two pounds. Oh yeah, baby! Then this afternoon, I don't know what happened, but I laid down with Chloe for her nap, like always, then woke up TWO HOURS LATER!! Holy Moses! WHAT was that? I guess my body needed it. That just means that I can stay up way later than usual, blogging! Can life get any better?

Nasties

2006-09-11T11:08:00.000-07:00

Dear Tactless Tess,

I understand that you may feel some commraderie with me, for whatever disillusioned reason. But that gives you no right to allow your dog to defacate in my gorgeous green front yard. Kindly stop the dog from doing this, or you might find her "nasties" in your tomatoes. That wouldn't be too pleasant, now would it? Or I could just sick the Home Owners' Association on you. Oh, wait. My girls & I run it!

Kindly,
Berklie

Confession

2006-09-11T07:57:00.000-07:00

On days like today. After my MIL let me know in an insanely long letter just what an awful being I am I want to curl up, open my window to the rain outside, pour a cup of joe, and just blog all day.

Anyone want to join me?

Are You 'Suri'ous?

2006-09-06T04:45:00.000-07:00

Is this child real? Do you think she's truly of Cruise/ Holmes genes? I think she's pretty darn cute, and does indeed look like her mama & papa. She was not seen for sssooooo long, I'm still suspicious. But maybe that's just me loving the drama of good old Hollywood gossip. Like every other website & blog this morning. Go on... I dare you to google this.

Here is where the actual Van*ty Fair hype is at.
And here are some great "family photos". Poor Katie, just keeps getting bumped out of his (publicity) way.

Venting!

2006-09-02T15:27:00.000-07:00

My MIL has gotten on my last frickin' nerve!!
Why does she care if my 9 month old baby is still sleeping in my bed? Is it cramping her style? Does she live with us? NO! She lives all the way in Freakin' Arizona! Don't call me to complain about my sleeping arraingments lady. I didn't ask for your intrusive input..so keep it to yourself!
And then you have the nerve to say:

"that baby is perfectly capable of sleeping in her own crib." followed up by "but, you know how I feel, so I'm not going to say anything."

Why do you even "feel" anything about OUR sleeping arraingment? Hello!?

And don't complain to us that you don't like your new grandbaby's name! My bil & sil would be soo hurt if they knew you said that! What a wench. There is nothing wrong with her name...she's beautiful and so is her name!

Get a freakin' life...then maybe mine won't upset you soo much!

guess what mil? I have dirty dishes in my sink...and I'm too lazy to wash them right now...got somethin' to say? I couldn't care less.

I'm Feeling Fresh

2006-08-28T10:53:00.000-07:00

Fruit salad, girls? Fresh from the garden, I chopped up some plums, pineapple, grapes, bananas, & kiwi. Dressed it with non-fat peach yogurt, and, viola! lunch! Ok, ok... you caught me. Maybe I didn't grow the pineapple. I have yet to master that plant. But our small vineyard has produced exceptionally well this summer, according to the previous owners, so we're really pleased.

Care to join me? Come on over. The east garden gate will be open for you. I'm back by the pool.

MIDLEW Mondays

2006-08-28T07:44:00.000-07:00

No. My home is not in dire need of cleaning. I do not have mildew in my home. But I have mildew in my life. Mildew, as in "Mother In Laws Do Everything Wrong". I must give credit where credit is due. This lovely acronym is not of my brain. There is an ab fab blog site, with a handfull of contributors that blog all about the MILDEW in their lives. So, in our neighborhood, we have MILDEW Monday get-togethers. And here is where we dish our goods about the MILDEW in our lives. Allow me to begin...

Dear MIL,
We are loving our new neighborhood, although its the closest to you we've ever dared to live. Around our new city, I found a street that they've so graciously names after you. Shame on you for nottelling us that you have your own street. What an honor, for you. I'm surprised that you've yet to brag about it. Personally? You will never catch me driving on that drive. Its all yours, DMIL. What's that? You were unaware of this honor? You did NOT know? Well, allow me to be the first to tell you that your own persoanl drive is called "Nags Head Drive". Quite fitting, no?

With Love,
Berklie

Berklie Whispers Her Secrets

2006-08-25T13:50:00.000-07:00

This is the beauty of annonymity: I am free to sing my heart's song, or cry a river of my soul's darkest, most private, moments. And you don't know me, nor are you my stone-throwing family members. So I'm perfectly fine with you knowing my "deep dark's".

So here goes, I'm spilling out some of my heart because writing is my outlet & I need to coordinate these thoughts in the hopes of understanding them. Please be gentle. This is my first time to do this. Think of sweet Thumper (from Bambi), "If ya can't say nothing nice... don't say nothing at all."

Mr. 6PackAbs & I have been trying to have another baby since January. So, to summarize, we're doing the ditty, alot, without protection, and without any results. This may sound comical to you, but this is the mindset I must keep, in order to not go institutional. If I laugh about it, it will all be okay, right? So I'm beginning to wonder "What's wrong with the plumbing?" We never imagined this would be anything to even bat a lash at. But, lo... here we are... considering fertility testing & treatments so that I may be able to point a finger at him, or to feel the guilt of my inablity to give him another child. And to have the end result be a bigger family that we've always dreamed of. We want the whole "white picket fences, 2.5 kids, and a dog"American suburbia dream. Not the minvan part, though, thankyouverymuch. I'm a SUV drivin', gas-guzzlin' kind of mama.

After we've been trying for awhile, thoughts seem to creep into my mind, in the wee dark hours of the morning. Is it me? Was it my C-section? Is it him? What aren't we doing right? What are we doing wrong? Should we do the fertility treatments? Could I go through that? Would the pain be worth the gain? What if they don't work? Would we adopt? Could he adopt? Is God mad at me? Am I not pleasing Him? Is He testing me? Is this punishment? Have I not been listening to Him? Why can't His plan match mine? And these thoughts repeat themself hourly, and invade my happiness with Chloe and Mr. 6PackAbs.

Then, sweet angel baby, Chlo', has one of her "moments"... that last all day. And these moments suck dry my will to survive. Then I begin to wonder...Could I handle another? Is this why God won't give me another? Does she need more of me? Is there more of me to give? Is this His way of showing me I am not strong enough? Can't He make me strong enough? Where is He? Is He hearing me? Must I fall to my knees, pleading for help? Is my body getting to old (gasp) to handle another pregnancy & child?

Then there's the underlying pressure from Mr. 6PackAbs, "I really want to have a son. All those things you always dreamed of doing with your daughter? I dream of doing things with my son... throwing a ball, teaching him woodshop & mechanics... just doing father/ son things with my son." And this rips me to shreds. On two levels.

Level one: Let's face it, ladies. We women? We do the child-raising. Or atleast in this house that's how the cards are played. And I'm prefectly fine with that. I know that's my life's calling. And I want to succeed at it. Maybe its just the boys I meet. But right now? I fear boys. They are perfect & sweet & precious if they are yours. Boys are fearless. I would like to be fearless, but my fears keep me humble. I deeply admire mamas with boys. Those are some strong women!

The second level of frustration is that I feel it has become all too common place for men to push the male ego on each other to produce male offspring. Like they are not manly enough unless they can add another male to the world population. This thought process irritates me beyond comprehension. Its jsut the whole caveman complex of "Me man. Me want son. Ug. Hunt for food. Go to my cave, make me dinner. Drop your drawers." Okay, so that's maybe a mild exageration. Mr. 6PackAbs is not like that, but you get my point, no?

So there. You have it. I whispered all of this & I am still left wondering. About everything.

WW: The Bird Flu Discovered in Florida

2006-08-23T12:56:00.000-07:00

Thank God, I convinced Mr. 6PackAbs to NOT accept that job offer in Florida. Can you imagine the horror of being exposed to this??

Disclaimer:: No animals were harmed in the taking of this photograph.

Let me introduce myself...

2006-08-23T07:38:00.000-07:00

I'm new to the block. My name is Isabella....but only mama calls me that. YOU can call me Bella. I'll be poppin' in here every once in a while...when I have something to chat about. Don't hate me cuz I'm sexy, we can't all have IT, ya know? Join me poolside, if you want....the nanny will watch the babes. Too bad I had to let Genevieve go...when I ask for silk, I mean FRENCH silk, NOT synthetic, some people just weren't raised right. Ya know any good servants..ahem, I mean maids?

No PUDGE Here!!

2006-08-23T06:37:00.000-07:00

Silly me. I thought I actually saw a dimple on my ass, when I got out of the shower this morning. But, whew! of course not. Just a mean lighting issue at the vanity. Note to self: MUST get electrician here... NOW. With how hard my Wonder Trainer works me, I should not have even thought twice about what I thought I saw. You could bounce a quarter off this thing.

Speaking of no pudge, have you girls found No Pudge Fudge Brownies? Oh my gooey good glory! Brownies? No fat? I've found my bon-bon replacement & will now be serving these with our Monday 'Mom'osas.

Our Neighborhood Welcome Committee~

2006-08-21T10:22:00.000-07:00

Welcome! Come on over, take off your heels, have a drink (or three), and join us. Yes, yes, we know we're skinnier, younger & drive the biggest SUV's, but we can still be friends. We won't judge, we promise.

The Gauntlet Has Been Thrown

2006-08-21T10:19:00.000-07:00

How dare she question my husband's manliness? Who is Tactless Tess to say that my husband's mower is "sooo tiny"? I'll show her. For his birthday, he's getting the biggest damn riding mower on the market. Or atleast on the block. And I'm still skinnier. So there.