Dear Tactless Tess,

I understand that you may feel some commraderie with me, for whatever disillusioned reason. But that gives you no right to allow your dog to defacate in my gorgeous green front yard. Kindly stop the dog from doing this, or you might find her "nasties" in your tomatoes. That wouldn't be too pleasant, now would it? Or I could just sick the Home Owners' Association on you. Oh, wait. My girls & I run it!

Kindly,
Berklie