... And I am SO sorry about that!
I am a horrible incognito blogger.

Anyway....
Life with Mr. Knightly is better. But every time I say that, something happens.
For instance, not that long ago I was having an email conversation with Angelina. And I was telling her that things were a lot better with Mr. Knightly. Which was true. Which is true... despite what occurred just days after telling her that.

Basically what happened is we got into a major fight about, OF COURSE, something that I did that pissed him off. ~gasp~ Shocker. This time the fight was about how Mr. Knightly has to wake me up almost, but not quite, every day and how he thinks that is the most annoying and unnecessary thing in the entire world.

A little background:
I don't sleep well at night because of many reasons. One is that I am somewhat of an insomniac. Another is that in my family, sleepiness runs rampant. And the last is that when I was 19 I was sexually assaulted in the middle of the night by my brother in law. (Long story... I'm sure I'll go into it another time. Just know that I was on muscle relaxers at the time, so the jerk thought that I wouldn't wake up.)
Because of all these reasons, I am very very sleepy and just starting to get REM sleep by the time 6 or 7am rolls around. Unfortunately, over the years of being married to Mr. Knightly, I have learned to sleep through his alarm because up until recently I haven't had to get up at the same time that he does. (He's hated that and he thinks I should get up with him whether I have to or not.)

And now onto the actual fight.
Mr. Knightly HATES having to wake me up because I almost never wake up the first time. And he doesn't think that any "grown up" should have to be woken up. The other day he had to wake me up, yet again, and he lost it. He went off on me about how lazy and irresponsible I am and how I act like a kid most of the time and blah blah blah. Yeah. When Mr. Jerkly comes out to play, he seriously does a number on me. He completely attacks my character and then wonders why I won't talk to him for three days. He also could care less that I cry. And I hate crying in front of Jerkly. I think it just fuels his fire even more.

Anyway. The end result of this fight was him going off on me some more and then declaring that I don't even try to get up because I really don't give a crap that it bothers him so badly. Well ladies, this declaration of his could not be farther from the actual truth. The truth is that I am constantly trying to get up with him or before him. I have tried numerous times to become a person who can consistently get up on time in the morning. And I consistently fail.
I truly don't know why I fail. Maybe I really don't care enough to change. Maybe this sleepiness is all in my genes and made worse by the fact that I take pain medication on a daily basis, so trying to change is a waste of time because it will never happen. Like I said, I really don't know why I fail, I just know that I try and try and try to change. If I could avoid having this fight with Jerkly, I WOULD. I swear. I would give ANY.THING to be able to get Jerkly to shut the hell up about this subject. Really. Anything.

I could sit here and wish all I want for him to finally understand.
I could sit here and wish that all the sudden he would decide that waking me up in the morning is not that big of a deal and he is actually doing me a favor.
But you know... wishing has never gotten me anywhere before.
So I'll keep trying to change.
Because I just want him to shut. up.

Alright.
Picture this.

Mr. Knightly and I are in line for something. It doesn't matter what we are in line for.... We are just in line. I probably should tell you that at this point in my life I am temporarily disabled. What this means to you is that I am in an electric wheelchair. What this means to me is that my life is really sucky right now because I'm not very good at walking.

Anyway.
There are a lot of people around. Including my Mother, my little Sister, and my kids. The line starts to move and I inch my way forward in this horrible wheelchair that I am absolutely no good at driving.
And guess what?
I ran right into Mr. Knightly's foot. Not really hard.... because how hard could it hit him going under one mile per hour? Well, apparently it was hard enough for him to turn around and, in front of EVERYONE, get all PISSED and practically growl at me, "Mrs. Knightly, that REALLY hurt." He said it loud. And he growled it through clenched teeth.

I was humiliated. I didn't do it on purpose. I was completely sorry and I was in the middle of actually saying so when he laid into me in front of the entire line and my family. It was mortifying. I mean seriously. What.The. I am in a wheelchair for crying out loud. This is something that I am not used to. The wheelchair thing is really new to me, and let me tell you. I HATE IT. For some reason being in a wheelchair makes me feel very small and awkward.
So. Not only am I in a line where I am trying to maneuver a freaking electronic chair through.... I already feel lame in front of a ton of people just by being in the chair. And then freaking Mr. Jerkly has to make the situation about a MILLION times WORSE by HUMILIATING me further.
And you know what? I don't think it hurt him THAT bad to warrant his reaction. Not by a LONG SHOT did it hurt that bad. I think he just reacted that way because he was sick of being in line.

Thanks a lot Jerkly.
It is times like those that make me ever so grateful that I married you.
No, really. Those times just make me want to marry you over and over and over again.

So tell me people.
Is is just me, or was Mr. Knightly's reaction completely jerky and uncalled for.

Another day, another fight.
I HA-HATE fighting with Mr. Knightly.
Because he can be such an A$@Hole.

Most of the time I would tell you that I am married to a really caring, thoughtful, nice guy.
But when we fight, he flips on me. And I mean he FLIPS.
Uh.... temper tantrum, anyone?

I understand that married people fight and argue with each other.
I get it..... Oh BOY do I get it.
But.
Do married people find themselves thinking, "How much longer can I stand this?", very often?
Because I find myself thinking that a lot lately.

"How much longer can this go on?"
"Do I even like this guy anymore?"
"Can two people like us stay married?"

Yep. Those are the questions that go through my head with every fight that we have.
We fight about once or twice a month. But when we fight, they are usually big ones.
And by "big", I mean shouting.

I guess at this point I am most worried about the thoughts that go through my head after the shouting has stopped. I used to be worried about the fighting. But now I am worried about the fact that my thoughts usually end with the following:
"I just don't think we can make it."

Who knows.
Maybe we can make it.
But what if we can't?