Despite what I write on here I just want to say that I love Mr. Knightly.
I really do. He pisses me off and clearly I piss him off.... Often.
But, more often than not, we have a great time together. And we stay together because the good times far outweigh the bad times.

That said, I feel like I can go on.
We haven't been fighting, but underneath the surface I am mad at him.
I'm mad that he hasn't taken me on a vacation, just me and him, in over a year. (A year and two months, to be approximate.) The fact that he took a weekend trip with some friends about three months ago just makes it that much worse. But, of course, I can't say anything about it. Because, don't ya know.... He "deserved" that trip and I shouldn't have the right to take that away from him.

Well... that's all fine and good except that I am pissed that he didn't take that time and money and go with me somewhere. I don't know why he doesn't get that... but he doesn't. He just knows that he "deserves to go and hang out" with his friends for a weekend here and there. And you know what? I think he deserves it, too. However. When we haven't gone a weekend getaway, or on a real bona fide vacation, in over a YEAR, I think that he should have chosen ME and not his friends. I'm SURE he doesn't see it that way... but I don't know how he couldn't see it that way.

Maybe it's a man thing. Maybe it's a Mr. Knightly thing.
Either way, I wish he would have chosen me.
If he had chosen me I would have felt important.
Instead I feel passed over. I feel not good enough.

And I hate that.

Have you seen "Home for the Holidays"?

If you haven't, then see it. You won't be sorry.
If you have, then you already know what I am living through right.this.second.

I've been down Home all week long.
For the most part the trip has been better than expected.
But given that I have a million members of my immediate family, and that we are pretty much the most dysfunctional family unit that I have ever encountered, then you can imagine that "better than expected" is not really saying a whole lot.
Let me put it to you this way.
Normally, when I am around more than half of my family I usually end up running to the bathroom every hour, on the hour. (Because I react emotionally AND physically to my family.)
I'm sure you want me to tell you why my family is one of my biggest nightmares.
But that will have to be another post.

What I really want to vent about is that Mr. Knightly is starting to turn into Mr. Jerkly.
Which means that a pretty big fight could be well on its way.
And I just have to say that I just cannot take a fight with Mr. Jerkly right now.
If we end up fighting I SWEAR that I will implode. I will. I know it.
I can't take the jerkiness while living in the family nightmare.

So if you are the praying sort, then please send up a good word for me.
I really don't want to implode.

I am the new Lady in the neighborhood and I am ready to Whisper.
I have to warn you though..... I use lots of bold, italics, CAPS, and ellipses.
I have to.
Because I'm emotional.
And because I have got to LET IT OUT!!!!

So.
Don't you just hate it when you are crying over something, and your significant other just sits there staring at you. You know.... Doing nothing at all??
That's right. No kiss. No hug. Nada.
Dontcha just hate that?.....
Or is it just me?

I realize that maybe my husband is just numb to my crying.
After all... We have been married for a little over five years.
Is that his ticket out of being a little sympathetic toward me?
Maybe it is, and I just don't know it.

To be fair to Mr. Knightly, I have to say that this doesn't happen ALL the time. Heaven forbid that I get that definitive. However, I will say that it happens more often than I would like it to. (Can you tell I've been to marriage counseling?)
Even if Mr. Knightly does have a ticket out of comforting me when I am crying, I know one thing.
It makes me feel alone even though he is sitting right in front of me.
And I shouldn't feel that way.
Because I'm married.


***Thanks to the Ladies of the Neighborhood for letting me join! I LOVE it here!!!***